C: I want to be a man.
J: No you don’t.
C: Yes I DO!
J: Corrine Hannah Bloom. I’ve been a guy for a long time now. I’m telling you. You don’t want to be a man.
C: I want to be a man!
J: I see what’s going on. You’re going through a phase of what Freud called “Penis Envy.”
C: Daddy, what’s Penis Envy?
J: Well, it’s something that people who have never actually read Freud believe is a misogynistic, repressive idea, thinking it means Freud just thought women were jealous of penises. When, of course, Freud was a much more subtle and progressive thinker than that, and he was talking, among other things, about a physical metaphor for the advantages males enjoy in patriarchal societies. Advantages that women, naturally, would like to enjoy themselves, and therefore “envy.”
C: (pause) Daddy? I want to be a man.
J: Coco, my baby, you and I are privileged to live in the time of the second installment of the feminist revolution, which, if we’re not soon blown to hell by a dirty bomb, or beheaded for the greater glory of Allah by religious psychopaths, will result in the transformation of the world. Trust me. A woman is the single greatest thing the human race has to offer. You are privileged. You should be proud to be a young woman. You are the inheritor of the world. You are a goddamn woman. You are the future.
C: (pause) MAMA! Daddy said a bad word! He said GODDAMN!
ALLI: J:… what are you saying to her?
J: I was simply explaining Penis Envy.
ALLI: To a three·year-old.
J: Ok, it’s a little early, granted. But she asked.
C: Goddamn! Goddamn! HEY MIRI! GODDAMN!
ALLI: Oh great.
MIRI: MAMA! Why is Coco saying “GODDAMN”?
C: Goddamn! Penis! Envy!
ALLI: Hey J. When [Coco’s teacher] calls and asks why Coco is talking about Goddamn Penis Envy at school, you want to take that call?
J: Ah, shit.
C: Shit! Shit! Mama, what’s shit?
MIRI: MAMA! Coco is saying a bad word! She’s saying SHIT!
J: There are no “bad” words, girls. That whole idea is based on superstition and controlling what people can and can’t talk about. It’s a Fascist idea. It’s superstitious. It’s stupid.
ALLI: J… you know…
C: Stupid! Goddamn!
MIRI: MAMA! Coco is saying STUPID and GODDAMN!
C: Daddy? I want to be a man.
J: Coco, binary gender will be gone in fifteen years. It’s already disappearing. You can be any goddamn thing you want to be.
C: MAMA! Daddy said GODDAMN again!